14 ways to hurt yourself when you are depressed
Gwyneth Lewis in her book ‘Sunbathing in the rain’, which describes her experience of depression, writes ”Depression itself can’t harm you, only what you do about it can”.
Way too often we choose behaviours to harm ourselves when we feel depressed. Here are a few examples how you might be hurting yourself:
- Not sleeping enough.
- Oversleeping.
- Locking yourself indoors and being inactive.
- Avoiding stimulation, excitement, adventures and experiences.
- Suppressing and/or repressing your emotions.
- Allowing your moods to be in charge.
- Letting negative thoughts run freely in your mind.
- Not feeding yourself properly and adequately.
- Avoiding all social contacts, connections and situations.
- Avoiding planning and making decisions.
- Finding excuses, bailing out of and/or betraying your plans and ideas.
- Handing your recovery to others, giving up on yourself.
- Succumbing to substance abuse, becoming dependent on it. Choosing short-term relief over long-term recovery.
- Pushing your loved ones, nearest and dearest, away.
Some of you might exclaim: ’Kat, but isn’t this how depression manifests itself? ’ I would disagree. If we settle for believing that these behaviours are the symptoms of depression, and we are just victims of it, then, perhaps, recovery will be out of our reach.
We choose our actions, depressed or not. I remember when I was depressed, I chose certain behaviours. For example, I routinely unplugged my telephone, so that no one was able to reach me. Every time I did it, I felt awful, as I knew that I was hurting myself and cutting myself further away from social contact and help.
I also knew that I could have chosen to leave the phone plugged in, answer it if it rang, or even contact others myself. Instead, for a long time, I chose to behave in this dysfunctional way, allowing myself to establish a strong habit, and actively propagated my vicious circle of despair.
While some self-hurting behaviours are made consciously, sometimes we are totally unaware of them.
Awareness brings healing. Awareness also allows us to assess what we are doing wrong, get in charge of our lives and start implementing changes that support our new selves.
To sum up:
Be strong, discipline yourself and make choices in favour of self-supportive behaviours whenever you can! Seek knowledge, support and inspiration!
Please leave your comments. I encourage you to share your thoughts, your ideas, your own examples and experiences.
Stay strong, remain hopeful and seek inspiration!
This is an excellent list and the advice is sound. I agree with every word. Only one problem...how do you suggest we force ourself to do these things when we are in the depths of a depressive episode. Do you have any concrete tips on how to impliment this great advice? I get up every day, have a bath, get dressed and take a good long walk. Beyond that, each day is a challenge and forcing myself to do something seems like trying to move a mountain. This is partly due to that feeling that comes with depression that your feet are standing in cement and part of it comes from the fact that for the most part, I just don't care to do any of those things. Does caring come first in recovery or does action (without caring) come first?
Great question, Wendy! I don’t think we stop caring, but I believe we lose the ability to recognise that we still care. So, I am afraid, at the beginning of our recovery journey, action (without caring) comes first.
Fortunately, we don’t have to endure this for too long as with every action we have an opportunity to catch the glimpse of our caring selves. We can also help ourselves a lot by planning our days, having a success journal, keeping a gratitude journal, talking to our accountability partner, using the language of recovery, etc.
Recovery is like a mysterious jigsaw puzzle. You don’t have a box with a picture to rely on, so you just start putting the pieces together, maybe corners and edges first, maybe similar colours first… It does not matter. What matters is that after a long time, you either give up or you begin to recognise that it can be done and start seeking help, patience and motivation.
It’s not easy… a few steps forward… a few steps back. As long as you take more steps forward and are not getting beaten up by your steps back (expect to make them), you’ll be moving in the right direction…
Oh what wise words! Thank you for your well thought-out reply. I am making a paper copy and putting it on my bulletin board to remind my self that action comes first, caring will follow....